Came across this post on another blog and I thought I should share it. Not so much because I can relate it on so many levels but because in one way or another, we all tend to disqualify that man or woman for one reason or another. We all walk around with a list of what our perfect partner should be like. For the ladies its tall dark and handsome, driving a car, owning his own house. For the guys, well rangi ya pesa..and whatever else ya'll look for. What we never realize is that when we dismiss that person because they lacked one or two traits we think are important, we just might be throwing away our only chance at being truly happy. And just like the christian men running away from the single mother because she is not pure and all...we miss a chance to have what we have always been looking for; true love, companionship,loyalty and a chance to make a difference. Even if its just in our families. so read on....
In my interactions with single moms, specifically the never married
ones, I have found an interesting yet sad paradigm on how they view
themselves, and how other men do. I’m not sure why, probably its how our
culture has allowed us to view them, but there is a great need for us
to maybe take a second look at this woman.
See, when a woman ends up pregnant, because she really thought this was
going somewhere, or because yes they had sex, or they were reckless, or
young and foolish, or whatever, her life is never the same!
Now, the typical Kenyan scenario that unfolds is not pretty, I’ve seen it countless times, and it looks something like this.
1. She panics; and then all kind of thoughts run through her mind. Then she decides to;
2. Tell her man: and that leads to dilemma number 1 where Mr.
Prospective daddy; either accepts the responsibility and they end up
together with his support (Yay!) or he;
3. Blames her: for being reckless, or wanting to trap him, or denies
responsibility, or whatever other reason jamaaz bring up before he
4. Runs: decides the best option available is to leave her alone during
crisis as he doesn’t want to be part of this ‘situation’. Next the;
5. Woman gets to crossroads: she can either
i. Abort the baby (end of story, consequences later) or
ii. Loose it herself… give up; get on drugs, prostitution, throw her life away or…
iii. Toughen up and be an unwed mother
6. Let’s take Option 3: This means she will bring forth a baby, through
some real challenges, and I mean CHALLENGES! Rejection from family, her
parents (especially dad) cut her off, living with little or no income at
all, low self esteem, loneliness, feelings of shame, guilt, depression…
the list is endless.
Finally; After all that ugly maneno;
7. Woman learns to cope: Picks herself up, toughens up. Realizes she’d
better get her act together and stop waiting for ‘somebody’ with a
goodies pack, Gets a job or business, moves house, she looses the weight
, soon the kid is walking and looking good, she starts looking hot
again, gets her confidence back…. Then….. Wait or it…
8. MEN START HITTING ON HER! Again! Sometimes even the father brings his
prodigal self around and says his child needs his daddy. He wants to
kiss and make up! Excuse ME? Umetokezea wapi? Kiatu hii! ….
9. Now, enter the Christian brother, praying for a wife. Raba shanda! Oh
Jesus….! She meets this beautiful lady. Falls for her, then begins to
‘discover’ who she really is. Now, when most Brothers find out that she
is a single mom, well, let’s just say the enthusiasm kinda takes a
sabbatical. He closes his eyes and starts praying harder. In another
direction!
And I think this is where men need help. Especially Christian Kenyan
Men. I think we need a paradigm shift of sorts in regard to how we look
at and relate to single moms.
Could it be that by our outlook on these sisters, we could be missing
out on some of the greatest women walking the planet? Think with me
1. She’s survived just about the roughest experience that a woman can really go through, and she’s still standing!
2. She’s had to mature quickly to hack through her circumstances. She
knows the power and value of loyalty as she’s lost many ‘friends’.
3. She knows to live with very little or no money at all.
4. She doesn’t have that ‘dreamy eyed look’ approach to life that most girls have.
5. She is ready to settle down and waste no time on shenanigans. She
really is waiting to be loved and pour out her love on someone
Is it possible that our men haven’t been fathered and mentored on the
value and wealth they can both draw, and impart, in courting and
marrying these precious sisters?
My encouragement to Men would be, by accepting, unconditionally loving,
and sharing your life and love with a single mom, you will open yourself
to love, life, loyalty, emotional healing, and a journey of devotion
and wholeness like nothing else you’ve ever experienced in your life.
Ever.
I believe in seeing a woman get back on her feet. Assuring her that you
will be there, and actually being there, giving her a sense of identity
to her and her child(ren), is probably one of the most fulfilling
journeys in life any man can undertake. It probably will bring healing
in your own heart regarding issues with your own father and your
identity. The rewards are staggering at the very least, and it’s a
treasure worth digging for. Really.
I’m just thinking…..
Friday 17 August 2012
Thursday 2 August 2012
No! No! No!.....
so recently i made a very close friend..i mean they have always been there i just thought of them as an acquaintance. not that am snobbish or anything like that..we had a mutual friend so somehow you don always think you are going to be the closest of friends with the third party, know what am saying? anyway back to my new friend. he, yes its a he, is the most observant person i have ever met he still surprises me when he talks. walk into a room and within fifteen minutes he will tell you who is angry with who, who is feeling who, who hates who and who had a row with the boyfriend and then had wild make up sex. he has a gift its how i like to think of it and i intend to exploit this gift. am going to use this extra pair of eyes to take a good look at my life...from the outside. don't get me wrong, am not trying to live my life through someone else, i know better than that; but sometimes you reach a point in your life you just want to understand it all. your decisions, your mistakes, your fears and desires, the tears that you have cried and the laughter that you have shared with loved ones. there is an underlying reason for everything that we do, sometimes we identify this reason other times its not so clear.
looking back at my life i have have had hard times and made mistakes. for a long time, i blamed everything and everyone else but myself something that we are all guilty of. he took advantage of you that selfish bastard you complain to your friends, you are overloaded at work and end up cursing your boss or colleagues,your friends take you for granted you muse to yourself. but have we ever stopped to think that maybe we are the source of our misery. simple, some of us just don't know how to say NO. i know i don't and when i think back i could have prevented a lot of things with that two letter word.
we are afraid to say no because it is in our human nature to help. we want to help out our loved ones and colleagues. we are also afraid of being rude...have you ever seen the look on people's face when you say no to them, they make you feel like you are the worst person ever. other times we want to be agreeable because we want to fit in a group hence we hold back our true feelings while other times we do it because we don't want a confrontation. personally i hate question like "why wont you do it" and even worse is the resentment or tension that follows after saying no. we also don't want to miss out on opportunities. particularly if we are still trying to get ahead in life, we see everything we do as an opportunity that will finally open those doors. at the end of the day we take on more than we can handle, we have no time to do things for ourselves or just work on ourselves making us very bitter people.
the truth is, no one will hate you just because you said no to them and even if they did, they probably are just selfish only thinking of themselves. you don't have to do that job if you really cant, instead suggest someone else you know can do it. you don't want that dude making advances at you, then don't give him your number or take his gifts only to bitch about him when you are with your friends. you know that guy or girl is not good enough for you but you still go out with them because you could not say no at their invitation for a coffee or drinks and before you know it you are in too deep and scarred. we are always told of how we need to take control of our lives...i think one way of doing this is by learning to say NO. its not the easiest thing to do because at the end of the day we all just want to be liked..but it is good for us and take it from me, will save you a lot of heartache, resentment and disappointment.am learning to say NO.
looking back at my life i have have had hard times and made mistakes. for a long time, i blamed everything and everyone else but myself something that we are all guilty of. he took advantage of you that selfish bastard you complain to your friends, you are overloaded at work and end up cursing your boss or colleagues,your friends take you for granted you muse to yourself. but have we ever stopped to think that maybe we are the source of our misery. simple, some of us just don't know how to say NO. i know i don't and when i think back i could have prevented a lot of things with that two letter word.
we are afraid to say no because it is in our human nature to help. we want to help out our loved ones and colleagues. we are also afraid of being rude...have you ever seen the look on people's face when you say no to them, they make you feel like you are the worst person ever. other times we want to be agreeable because we want to fit in a group hence we hold back our true feelings while other times we do it because we don't want a confrontation. personally i hate question like "why wont you do it" and even worse is the resentment or tension that follows after saying no. we also don't want to miss out on opportunities. particularly if we are still trying to get ahead in life, we see everything we do as an opportunity that will finally open those doors. at the end of the day we take on more than we can handle, we have no time to do things for ourselves or just work on ourselves making us very bitter people.
the truth is, no one will hate you just because you said no to them and even if they did, they probably are just selfish only thinking of themselves. you don't have to do that job if you really cant, instead suggest someone else you know can do it. you don't want that dude making advances at you, then don't give him your number or take his gifts only to bitch about him when you are with your friends. you know that guy or girl is not good enough for you but you still go out with them because you could not say no at their invitation for a coffee or drinks and before you know it you are in too deep and scarred. we are always told of how we need to take control of our lives...i think one way of doing this is by learning to say NO. its not the easiest thing to do because at the end of the day we all just want to be liked..but it is good for us and take it from me, will save you a lot of heartache, resentment and disappointment.am learning to say NO.
Monday 18 June 2012
school never realy ends...
for a long time i felt like i had all the answers. after going through a heartbreak, getting pregnant and having a son who i practically raise alone and still manage to come out stronger and wiser, you figure you have seen it all.surely, you have gone through all the pain and hardships that one possibly has to endure. in my own naive way i figured that all i had to look forward to was a smooth sailing kind of life from then henceforth. i came to the big city,looking forward to waking up every morning laughing and smiling. i figured that the next guy i met would be the one and i would have my fairy tale with my happy ending. in my dreams, my days of worrying over bills were over, because you see in my dreams i would make loads of money in an instant and do everything i have always dreamt of. yeah in my dreams.
but you see, the reality is a whole other thing. being in the big city is like being back in class. i still have so much to learn. where i thought i had figured out everything, i jut realized that in all honesty, i know nothing. the kind of financial success that i want will take patience, will need good connections, networking and like a friend of mine said, i still need to know how to play politics. in simple terms, i am not street smart enough to get me where i want to be. and in a country like ours, being life smart makes all the difference. my friends who i hope to work with to achieve this dream, they look at me and i swear in their mind they go like "poor child".
the next guy that i met..well it turns out he is not the one and needless to say it was very brief. clearly i still have so much to learn about men,love, relationships and myself. within a matter of weeks i found myself breaking all my self made rules when it comes to relationships. these are rules that i had operated by for years; how they flew out of the window during that short period of time, am still trying to figure it out. in an attempt to make it work the first time, i think i compromised on everything i had believed in. in the process i lost my self and that is one of the reasons i wrote this post. maybe by putting it down in words and rereading it, i will see where i went wrong. now am a little bruised,hoping that distance and time will heal the pain and that maybe i will get my chatty and smiling self back. but am learning that there is no formula to love or healing after a heartbreak. you would think it gets easier but the pain is as intense as the first time you experienced it. i just have to wait it out.
i also learned that people are not always going to return the love, respect and good intentions that you may have towards them. this i think was the greatest shock of all. you think because someone is family that they have your best interest at heart. turns out that not everyone is pleased about just the fact that you exist and somehow you are in their lives. am still trying to figure this out. don't get me wrong, i have my moments where am not particularly the best person but i would never be intentionally malicious to someone. so when someone turns around and kicks you while you are on the ground and shows no qualms about it..yeah that came as a shock to me. still trying to figure that out.
after twenty five years, you would think there is not much to learn. but while in schooling they were able to turn you into a civilized human being, able to hold an intelligent conversation and observe manners depending on the occasion, little was ever taught about life. when you are done with school, you realize it was just the end of another session. the life session might be the hardest of them all to which 8-4-4 fades in comparison. how do you deal with the frustration of trying to make ends meet knowing that you got people back at home depending on you. what do you do with the pain when that person you pictured the rest of your life with just suddenly walks out of your life without as much as a good bye. who do you turn to when the doctor tells you that you got cancer and that something must be done fast. how do you deal with betrayal, loss of a loved one, disappointments and everyday struggles.
life has its wonderful moments. moments when you are so happy, everything appears in bright yellows, reds, purple and green. but life also has its dark side, when things aren't so rosy and dandy. all these i am learning, have a purpose. and its not because God is out to punish or get you, it is to make you into a wiser, stronger and more compassionate person. it is to get us to learn that we really cant do it on our own, we all need each other and most importantly we need Him. i know sometimes it gets so overwhelming that it can suck the joy and fun out of life to a point where we are afraid of enjoying the good times coz we think they wont last. but like everything else it shall pass.....and honestly the hard times make the happy times all the more fun. so am taking back my smile, my laughter and my dancing shoes....haven't danced in a long while. so whether its a happy day or a grey one...i am paying attention to this class of life.
but you see, the reality is a whole other thing. being in the big city is like being back in class. i still have so much to learn. where i thought i had figured out everything, i jut realized that in all honesty, i know nothing. the kind of financial success that i want will take patience, will need good connections, networking and like a friend of mine said, i still need to know how to play politics. in simple terms, i am not street smart enough to get me where i want to be. and in a country like ours, being life smart makes all the difference. my friends who i hope to work with to achieve this dream, they look at me and i swear in their mind they go like "poor child".
the next guy that i met..well it turns out he is not the one and needless to say it was very brief. clearly i still have so much to learn about men,love, relationships and myself. within a matter of weeks i found myself breaking all my self made rules when it comes to relationships. these are rules that i had operated by for years; how they flew out of the window during that short period of time, am still trying to figure it out. in an attempt to make it work the first time, i think i compromised on everything i had believed in. in the process i lost my self and that is one of the reasons i wrote this post. maybe by putting it down in words and rereading it, i will see where i went wrong. now am a little bruised,hoping that distance and time will heal the pain and that maybe i will get my chatty and smiling self back. but am learning that there is no formula to love or healing after a heartbreak. you would think it gets easier but the pain is as intense as the first time you experienced it. i just have to wait it out.
i also learned that people are not always going to return the love, respect and good intentions that you may have towards them. this i think was the greatest shock of all. you think because someone is family that they have your best interest at heart. turns out that not everyone is pleased about just the fact that you exist and somehow you are in their lives. am still trying to figure this out. don't get me wrong, i have my moments where am not particularly the best person but i would never be intentionally malicious to someone. so when someone turns around and kicks you while you are on the ground and shows no qualms about it..yeah that came as a shock to me. still trying to figure that out.
after twenty five years, you would think there is not much to learn. but while in schooling they were able to turn you into a civilized human being, able to hold an intelligent conversation and observe manners depending on the occasion, little was ever taught about life. when you are done with school, you realize it was just the end of another session. the life session might be the hardest of them all to which 8-4-4 fades in comparison. how do you deal with the frustration of trying to make ends meet knowing that you got people back at home depending on you. what do you do with the pain when that person you pictured the rest of your life with just suddenly walks out of your life without as much as a good bye. who do you turn to when the doctor tells you that you got cancer and that something must be done fast. how do you deal with betrayal, loss of a loved one, disappointments and everyday struggles.
life has its wonderful moments. moments when you are so happy, everything appears in bright yellows, reds, purple and green. but life also has its dark side, when things aren't so rosy and dandy. all these i am learning, have a purpose. and its not because God is out to punish or get you, it is to make you into a wiser, stronger and more compassionate person. it is to get us to learn that we really cant do it on our own, we all need each other and most importantly we need Him. i know sometimes it gets so overwhelming that it can suck the joy and fun out of life to a point where we are afraid of enjoying the good times coz we think they wont last. but like everything else it shall pass.....and honestly the hard times make the happy times all the more fun. so am taking back my smile, my laughter and my dancing shoes....haven't danced in a long while. so whether its a happy day or a grey one...i am paying attention to this class of life.
Wednesday 23 May 2012
There Are Men
first and foremost, this post is borrowed. was going through the net and saw it and it rings so true and lets face it, creates a new hope for us that are still single. But most importantly, i borrowed the post coz i believe every girl deserves the best. after all the bible does say one that finds a good wife finds favor. so if men are going to get all the glory that is us, its only right that we get the best in return.enjoy and learn a thing or two from it....
There are men out there who will respond to your text messages. Men who will initiate conversations because they simply can’t wait to see what you’ll say next. There are men who will never be too busy or too preoccupied to wish you good morning, regardless if you’re a country or a block away. Men who remember to call when they say they will – because they want to – and those who surprise you with their curiosity about your sometimes monotonous days. There are men who aim to be the last person you talk to before you sleep and the first name you see on your screen when you rise. Men who show up on time – or even early – men who are genuinely excited to see you.
There are men who want to go on dates. Real dates. Men who want to take you out to their favorite restaurant and will never expect you to pay, but always appreciate the gesture. There are men who want to talk to you for longer than one drink after work, and longer than what’s enough to get you upstairs. There are men who you won’t have to convince to see you. Men who aren’t purely motivated to be your sexual company, but just love being around you. There are men who won’t wait three days — or even three hours– to ask you out again. Men who have grown past games and cryptic messages that you don’t have time to decode. There are men who simply, truly just want to get to know you.
There are men who want to hold your hand in public. Men who enjoy walking around department stores shopping for things they can’t afford but love the feeling of your tiny fingers interlaced with their adorably-bony knuckles. There are men who love sitting next to you on the downtown train just so they can look at your face, even if they notice the uneven lines and imperfect skin in the terrible lighting, because they can’t imagine another way to spend their Saturday afternoon. Men who wish they could capture the wonder on your face when you see a new part of the city you didn’t know you loved, but now do. Men who want to show you off to the strangers on the street because they find you so incredibly intoxicating. There are men who are happy to be seen by your side, thankful to be someone you chose to roam about town with.
There are men who want to be your boyfriend. Who are totally excited to introduce you as their girlfriend to their friends, to their families, to the women who try to pick them up in bars. Men who aren’t unavailable, who are ready for a relationship, who aren’t ripe with excuses why the timing or the situation, the feeling or the possibility just isn’t right. Men who don’t blame yesterday on their immature inability to develop something today and imagine tomorrow. There are men who wouldn’t pass on the chance to be yours because they know how amazing – how special – how superbly wonderful you are, and that they’re lucky you want to be with them, and only them. There are men who don’t hesitate on title changes or commitment. Men who want to grow with you and learn with you, love you the best they can, be with you as long as you allow them to. Men who don’t reply “thank you” when you say those precious three words. There are even men who say that incomparable phrase first, not second.
There are men who are proud of your successes, not intimidated by them. Men who are amazed by your determination and passion, who see the things inside of you that you can’t notice yet, or decide to ignore. There are men who believe in your future as much as they believe in the world you can create together. Men who want to witness your bad times and your good, be there when you fail and celebrate when you find that sense of belonging that we all look for, but never know quite what it means until we stumble across it. There are men who know to buy yellow tulips and kiss your forehead when you’ve had a rough day, men who remember you don’t ever take advice in the worst of situations, but you’ll want to hear it in the morning. Men who remind you of all the things to come and promise to be there when you get to the top of that mountain you’re climbing. There are men who really mean that and are there at the peak. And in the valley.
There are men who listen. Men who linger on each and every word you say because they know they will never know too much about you, and are intrigued to always learn more, regardless of how long they’ve known you. There are men who have the ability to put your needs before their own, who remember the first time they noticed something different about you. Men who like the way you look right after a long shower or a night run, when you’re dressed to go out and when you’re in your sweats from college. Men who see your insecurities but find them only a small part of what makes you beautiful. There are men who will remember your birthday, the day you met, the moment they knew they loved you and when you made them want to be a better person. There are men who love your thoughtful heart as much as they’re turned on by your soft body. Men who know how hard you like it, what part of your neck gets you going and that sometimes, you really just need to be spooned until you fall asleep. There are men who will accept you for whatever you are, whoever you are, whenever you decide to be that person in that place. Men who will stand by you – and fight for you – because they know you’re worth it. Because they know you’d do the same for them.
There are men who will spend weeks, months or even a year planning the perfect way to propose. Men who not only realize how special that moment will be to you, but how important of a story it’ll be to the children you don’t have yet. There are men who want to watch the wrinkles form around your eyes and especially around your mouth, because they’ve spent decades listening to that laugh they love come out of the sweetest smile they’ve ever seen. Men who will leave you notes by your morning coffee or send you sweet – or dirty – text messages at work, even after you’ve been married fifteen years. There are men who will adore all of the things that make you a woman, even when those things bear babies instead of nights of sexual release, even when those things drag instead of rise to occasions. Men who will always remember what you looked like that day you walked toward them in a white gown with glitter on your eyes and the purist of hope in your heart. There are men who truly, honestly, completely will love you.
There are so many men out there. But you’ll never meet them if you don’t let go of the guys you really don’t want to find the men you really deserve. The men who are waiting to meet someone just like you.
There are men out there who will respond to your text messages. Men who will initiate conversations because they simply can’t wait to see what you’ll say next. There are men who will never be too busy or too preoccupied to wish you good morning, regardless if you’re a country or a block away. Men who remember to call when they say they will – because they want to – and those who surprise you with their curiosity about your sometimes monotonous days. There are men who aim to be the last person you talk to before you sleep and the first name you see on your screen when you rise. Men who show up on time – or even early – men who are genuinely excited to see you.
There are men who want to go on dates. Real dates. Men who want to take you out to their favorite restaurant and will never expect you to pay, but always appreciate the gesture. There are men who want to talk to you for longer than one drink after work, and longer than what’s enough to get you upstairs. There are men who you won’t have to convince to see you. Men who aren’t purely motivated to be your sexual company, but just love being around you. There are men who won’t wait three days — or even three hours– to ask you out again. Men who have grown past games and cryptic messages that you don’t have time to decode. There are men who simply, truly just want to get to know you.
There are men who want to hold your hand in public. Men who enjoy walking around department stores shopping for things they can’t afford but love the feeling of your tiny fingers interlaced with their adorably-bony knuckles. There are men who love sitting next to you on the downtown train just so they can look at your face, even if they notice the uneven lines and imperfect skin in the terrible lighting, because they can’t imagine another way to spend their Saturday afternoon. Men who wish they could capture the wonder on your face when you see a new part of the city you didn’t know you loved, but now do. Men who want to show you off to the strangers on the street because they find you so incredibly intoxicating. There are men who are happy to be seen by your side, thankful to be someone you chose to roam about town with.
There are men who want to be your boyfriend. Who are totally excited to introduce you as their girlfriend to their friends, to their families, to the women who try to pick them up in bars. Men who aren’t unavailable, who are ready for a relationship, who aren’t ripe with excuses why the timing or the situation, the feeling or the possibility just isn’t right. Men who don’t blame yesterday on their immature inability to develop something today and imagine tomorrow. There are men who wouldn’t pass on the chance to be yours because they know how amazing – how special – how superbly wonderful you are, and that they’re lucky you want to be with them, and only them. There are men who don’t hesitate on title changes or commitment. Men who want to grow with you and learn with you, love you the best they can, be with you as long as you allow them to. Men who don’t reply “thank you” when you say those precious three words. There are even men who say that incomparable phrase first, not second.
There are men who are proud of your successes, not intimidated by them. Men who are amazed by your determination and passion, who see the things inside of you that you can’t notice yet, or decide to ignore. There are men who believe in your future as much as they believe in the world you can create together. Men who want to witness your bad times and your good, be there when you fail and celebrate when you find that sense of belonging that we all look for, but never know quite what it means until we stumble across it. There are men who know to buy yellow tulips and kiss your forehead when you’ve had a rough day, men who remember you don’t ever take advice in the worst of situations, but you’ll want to hear it in the morning. Men who remind you of all the things to come and promise to be there when you get to the top of that mountain you’re climbing. There are men who really mean that and are there at the peak. And in the valley.
There are men who listen. Men who linger on each and every word you say because they know they will never know too much about you, and are intrigued to always learn more, regardless of how long they’ve known you. There are men who have the ability to put your needs before their own, who remember the first time they noticed something different about you. Men who like the way you look right after a long shower or a night run, when you’re dressed to go out and when you’re in your sweats from college. Men who see your insecurities but find them only a small part of what makes you beautiful. There are men who will remember your birthday, the day you met, the moment they knew they loved you and when you made them want to be a better person. There are men who love your thoughtful heart as much as they’re turned on by your soft body. Men who know how hard you like it, what part of your neck gets you going and that sometimes, you really just need to be spooned until you fall asleep. There are men who will accept you for whatever you are, whoever you are, whenever you decide to be that person in that place. Men who will stand by you – and fight for you – because they know you’re worth it. Because they know you’d do the same for them.
There are men who will spend weeks, months or even a year planning the perfect way to propose. Men who not only realize how special that moment will be to you, but how important of a story it’ll be to the children you don’t have yet. There are men who want to watch the wrinkles form around your eyes and especially around your mouth, because they’ve spent decades listening to that laugh they love come out of the sweetest smile they’ve ever seen. Men who will leave you notes by your morning coffee or send you sweet – or dirty – text messages at work, even after you’ve been married fifteen years. There are men who will adore all of the things that make you a woman, even when those things bear babies instead of nights of sexual release, even when those things drag instead of rise to occasions. Men who will always remember what you looked like that day you walked toward them in a white gown with glitter on your eyes and the purist of hope in your heart. There are men who truly, honestly, completely will love you.
There are so many men out there. But you’ll never meet them if you don’t let go of the guys you really don’t want to find the men you really deserve. The men who are waiting to meet someone just like you.
Friday 20 April 2012
friends are made of this
Got a call from home that my baby is sick which kind of bummed the hell out of my day. nothing serious, just a little cold considering the weather. he is going to be fine, nothing to worry about. i hope. sucks though that i wont be there taking care of him. the only thing that i can do is send money, make sure he gets his medicine. yeah, doesn't sound very mummy-sh.
The call found me at that time of the month when you are holding to a couple of hundred shillings, hoping that will cater for your needs till the next paycheck. for a moment i did not know what to do. what i had was not enough. but i reached out to a friend who was not only willing to help but did not want me to pay back. to her Jeremy is also her son, and she would do anything for him.
That gesture made me cry. you see a lot of my friends consider me to be strong. i always seem to hold it together no matter what. but what they don't realize is that my strength comes from them. when someone is willing to drop everything for you and rush to your side, it stops and makes you think of how much richer life is. that phone call to find out how you are doing, if there is anything you need and how they can help. when someone truly takes interest in your life and not because they are looking for gossip but because they truly care is blessings that should be counted. i have been blessed and since i found out i could really write, i have always wanted to take a moment and thank all those that have truly enriched my life.
To my gals that held my hand and cried with me at the darkest time of my life, Chizi, Aggie, Mercy, Julia and Pauline, i could never repay you or get over the fact how at times you were even more scared for me than i was for myself.
To my second family, my sisters for twelve years now, Esta, Irene, Norah, Karis, Anette and Beth, life would be one dull mess without you guys. thank you for the love, the laughter and showing me what true love and friendship is all about. for sharing in my excitement and my pain and letting me share in yours with such sincere openness.
To my boys, you sure know how to make a girl feel special. for spoiling me, taking care of me, a sure sign that there is hope in men. AMEN!! Wayne, Robo, Pato, C.E.O, Adams, Allan, Jude, Silas, Festo, Ken smalls, and so many others , you are total darlings and i love you guys.
Most importantly to my family and my home girls Janet and Wangari , what more could a person ask for when they have you. And to God without whom i would have no life, family and friends to be grateful for. much appreciated guys. xoxo!!
The call found me at that time of the month when you are holding to a couple of hundred shillings, hoping that will cater for your needs till the next paycheck. for a moment i did not know what to do. what i had was not enough. but i reached out to a friend who was not only willing to help but did not want me to pay back. to her Jeremy is also her son, and she would do anything for him.
That gesture made me cry. you see a lot of my friends consider me to be strong. i always seem to hold it together no matter what. but what they don't realize is that my strength comes from them. when someone is willing to drop everything for you and rush to your side, it stops and makes you think of how much richer life is. that phone call to find out how you are doing, if there is anything you need and how they can help. when someone truly takes interest in your life and not because they are looking for gossip but because they truly care is blessings that should be counted. i have been blessed and since i found out i could really write, i have always wanted to take a moment and thank all those that have truly enriched my life.
To my gals that held my hand and cried with me at the darkest time of my life, Chizi, Aggie, Mercy, Julia and Pauline, i could never repay you or get over the fact how at times you were even more scared for me than i was for myself.
To my second family, my sisters for twelve years now, Esta, Irene, Norah, Karis, Anette and Beth, life would be one dull mess without you guys. thank you for the love, the laughter and showing me what true love and friendship is all about. for sharing in my excitement and my pain and letting me share in yours with such sincere openness.
To my boys, you sure know how to make a girl feel special. for spoiling me, taking care of me, a sure sign that there is hope in men. AMEN!! Wayne, Robo, Pato, C.E.O, Adams, Allan, Jude, Silas, Festo, Ken smalls, and so many others , you are total darlings and i love you guys.
Most importantly to my family and my home girls Janet and Wangari , what more could a person ask for when they have you. And to God without whom i would have no life, family and friends to be grateful for. much appreciated guys. xoxo!!
Wednesday 11 April 2012
moving on....
was home again for the Easter...man,i had waited for this mini holiday for the longest time. i have been working like a dog..so any chance that i get to get away..sounds like a gift from God. even more interesting was the fact that my whole family was there, with me. needless to say i enjoyed in immensely.
more so because i had the weirdest conversations with my dad...weird but very interesting. my dad thinks i should get back into the dating pool. whoah, i know!!!!!i was just as surprised. dads never tell that to their daughters, they like to keep them close and be overprotective.
not to say that he doesn't love me or care about me. it was because he loves me so much, he would want to see me finally happy. the last couple of years have been extremely hard and i think it killed my father watching me suffer as i did. so any chance of him seeing me smile, excited and giggling would be a huge relief to him.
so am i jumping back into the dating pool?..hell yeah!!!time i got my groove back Lord knows i had lost it for the longest time. and i think i sighted someone already. just the way i really like them...shhhhh don't tell him though, it might go into his head.
am i scared? very...its the scariest thing i have thought of doing in a long while.bearing your heart like that, opening your self to the possibility of pain and heartache is scary for anyone. but isn't that what life is all about?we are told we only have today, tomorrow is not promised to anyone, the people closest to us can hurt us the most; that is the irony of life. so we either choose to live afraid or courageously. i choose to be brave. i have only one life to live. it might work out or it might not. i do not know. but i choose to be happy and today i am happy, that is all that matters. tomorrow will take care of itself.
more so because i had the weirdest conversations with my dad...weird but very interesting. my dad thinks i should get back into the dating pool. whoah, i know!!!!!i was just as surprised. dads never tell that to their daughters, they like to keep them close and be overprotective.
not to say that he doesn't love me or care about me. it was because he loves me so much, he would want to see me finally happy. the last couple of years have been extremely hard and i think it killed my father watching me suffer as i did. so any chance of him seeing me smile, excited and giggling would be a huge relief to him.
so am i jumping back into the dating pool?..hell yeah!!!time i got my groove back Lord knows i had lost it for the longest time. and i think i sighted someone already. just the way i really like them...shhhhh don't tell him though, it might go into his head.
am i scared? very...its the scariest thing i have thought of doing in a long while.bearing your heart like that, opening your self to the possibility of pain and heartache is scary for anyone. but isn't that what life is all about?we are told we only have today, tomorrow is not promised to anyone, the people closest to us can hurt us the most; that is the irony of life. so we either choose to live afraid or courageously. i choose to be brave. i have only one life to live. it might work out or it might not. i do not know. but i choose to be happy and today i am happy, that is all that matters. tomorrow will take care of itself.
Friday 23 March 2012
unlawful and disorderly
Damn!!..where did time go...i could have sworn the last i wrote here was last week, but its been almost a month. why didn't time fly so fast when i was in school and now that am getting older, it decides to bolt. irony of life eh!!
well in those three weeks, a lot has happened i even managed to get arrested..sort of. me and my friend were, apparently for breaking the copyright law. you see, i formatted my computer meaning i don't have music. so i asked my friend Emma if i could copy her music (she is the only person in the world who listens to the exact same music as i do...think of her as my beat twin sister). well we transferred it to her working computer so that i could carry it with a flash disk seeing as music was in her phone and i din have my laptop with me. after this we kind of forgot to delete the music. plus it was last year.. who remembers things from the last year?.
apparently, the police, and i use this term loosely, do. two weeks ago five men walked in our working office, all dressed in casual, and from where i was seated they were reeking of alcohol..did i mention it was only 11 am? so they said hi and told us they were from the copyright department and were checking for any illegal music writing. very confidently and with a bit of arrogance i told them no we did not....from what i have heard about the police, they are not the most likable people...to me that is.
so they set about looking and came cross music in my friends computer. where did that come from? i wondered. the police on the other hand could not hide the joy from there face...a hunter returning home with a big kill could not match their joy. they went crazy..telling us that we were pirating, selling music illegally and our forty days were over. excuse me, did you just refer to me and my friend as thieves or worse yet criminals.that's a phrase i hoped would remain in my Insha papers not in reference to me. i was fuming.
we tried talking to them, told them that no illegal activities went on and it was only for personal use. never mind that the computers have no DVD drive and no audio. but they could careless....and i knew we were not committing a crime. the last time i checked, piracy involves copying work that belongs to another and then selling it for own profit. i tried saying this, but i was shut down..they carried my friend and the computer.
but this was not before mentioning that i could make it all go away..."madam unatakaje sasa. hii kitu inaweza isha tu sahii"
the nerve of this man!!!
i was lost, i had never encountered the police before. they took my Friend, and left me to come up with a "solution"
well a solution i did come up with, it cost us five thousand shillings.
i have never felt so much rage like i did on that day. that was hard earned money and for someone to come and take it away just because they can hurts. these are the police, the same people you are supposed to run to in case of a problem. they are supposed to to maintain law and order not rob you in broad day light in the name of the government.
there is no difference between them and the robbers. in fact, i think they are worse. at least a robber looks and acts like one. they do not pretend. but the police, taking money from you like that....just because they can twist the law to get what they want and there is nothing we could do about it, was the highest level of betrayal. to make matters worse, i am pretty sure the money was spent on some hookers and alcohol.
i know some of you will tell that is the way things are, that i am naive to think that they are interested in my well being and will protect me.
but I'd be damned. if i am not safe from the police, who am i supposed to run to then?
well in those three weeks, a lot has happened i even managed to get arrested..sort of. me and my friend were, apparently for breaking the copyright law. you see, i formatted my computer meaning i don't have music. so i asked my friend Emma if i could copy her music (she is the only person in the world who listens to the exact same music as i do...think of her as my beat twin sister). well we transferred it to her working computer so that i could carry it with a flash disk seeing as music was in her phone and i din have my laptop with me. after this we kind of forgot to delete the music. plus it was last year.. who remembers things from the last year?.
apparently, the police, and i use this term loosely, do. two weeks ago five men walked in our working office, all dressed in casual, and from where i was seated they were reeking of alcohol..did i mention it was only 11 am? so they said hi and told us they were from the copyright department and were checking for any illegal music writing. very confidently and with a bit of arrogance i told them no we did not....from what i have heard about the police, they are not the most likable people...to me that is.
so they set about looking and came cross music in my friends computer. where did that come from? i wondered. the police on the other hand could not hide the joy from there face...a hunter returning home with a big kill could not match their joy. they went crazy..telling us that we were pirating, selling music illegally and our forty days were over. excuse me, did you just refer to me and my friend as thieves or worse yet criminals.that's a phrase i hoped would remain in my Insha papers not in reference to me. i was fuming.
we tried talking to them, told them that no illegal activities went on and it was only for personal use. never mind that the computers have no DVD drive and no audio. but they could careless....and i knew we were not committing a crime. the last time i checked, piracy involves copying work that belongs to another and then selling it for own profit. i tried saying this, but i was shut down..they carried my friend and the computer.
but this was not before mentioning that i could make it all go away..."madam unatakaje sasa. hii kitu inaweza isha tu sahii"
the nerve of this man!!!
i was lost, i had never encountered the police before. they took my Friend, and left me to come up with a "solution"
well a solution i did come up with, it cost us five thousand shillings.
i have never felt so much rage like i did on that day. that was hard earned money and for someone to come and take it away just because they can hurts. these are the police, the same people you are supposed to run to in case of a problem. they are supposed to to maintain law and order not rob you in broad day light in the name of the government.
there is no difference between them and the robbers. in fact, i think they are worse. at least a robber looks and acts like one. they do not pretend. but the police, taking money from you like that....just because they can twist the law to get what they want and there is nothing we could do about it, was the highest level of betrayal. to make matters worse, i am pretty sure the money was spent on some hookers and alcohol.
i know some of you will tell that is the way things are, that i am naive to think that they are interested in my well being and will protect me.
but I'd be damned. if i am not safe from the police, who am i supposed to run to then?
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