Hidden Treasures..

Came across this post on another blog and I thought I should share it. Not so much because I can relate it on so many levels but because in one way or another, we all tend to disqualify that man or woman for one reason or another. We all walk around with a list of what our perfect partner should be like. For the ladies its tall dark and handsome, driving a car, owning his own house. For the guys, well rangi ya pesa..and whatever else ya'll look for. What we never realize is that when we dismiss that person because they lacked one or two traits we think are important, we just might be throwing away our only chance at being truly happy. And just like the christian men running away from the single mother because she is not pure and all...we miss a chance to have what we have always been looking for; true love, companionship,loyalty and a chance to make a difference. Even if its just in our families. so read on....

In my interactions with single moms, specifically the never married ones, I have found an interesting yet sad paradigm on how they view themselves, and how other men do. I’m not sure why, probably its how our culture has allowed us to view them, but there is a great need for us to maybe take a second look at this woman.
See, when a woman ends up pregnant, because she really thought this was going somewhere, or because yes they had sex, or they were reckless, or young and foolish, or whatever, her life is never the same!
Now, the typical Kenyan scenario that unfolds is not pretty, I’ve seen it countless times, and it looks something like this.
1. She panics; and then all kind of thoughts run through her mind. Then she decides to;
2. Tell her man: and that leads to dilemma number 1 where Mr. Prospective daddy; either accepts the responsibility and they end up together with his support (Yay!) or he;
3. Blames her: for being reckless, or wanting to trap him, or denies responsibility, or whatever other reason jamaaz bring up before he
4. Runs: decides the best option available is to leave her alone during crisis as he doesn’t want to be part of this ‘situation’. Next the;
5. Woman gets to crossroads: she can either
i. Abort the baby (end of story, consequences later) or
ii. Loose it herself… give up; get on drugs, prostitution, throw her life away or…
iii. Toughen up and be an unwed mother
6. Let’s take Option 3: This means she will bring forth a baby, through some real challenges, and I mean CHALLENGES! Rejection from family, her parents (especially dad) cut her off, living with little or no income at all, low self esteem, loneliness, feelings of shame, guilt, depression… the list is endless.
Finally; After all that ugly maneno;
7. Woman learns to cope: Picks herself up, toughens up. Realizes she’d better get her act together and stop waiting for ‘somebody’ with a goodies pack, Gets a job or business, moves house, she looses the weight , soon the kid is walking and looking good, she starts looking hot again, gets her confidence back…. Then….. Wait or it…
8. MEN START HITTING ON HER! Again! Sometimes even the father brings his prodigal self around and says his child needs his daddy. He wants to kiss and make up! Excuse ME? Umetokezea wapi? Kiatu hii! ….
9. Now, enter the Christian brother, praying for a wife. Raba shanda! Oh Jesus….! She meets this beautiful lady. Falls for her, then begins to ‘discover’ who she really is. Now, when most Brothers find out that she is a single mom, well, let’s just say the enthusiasm kinda takes a sabbatical. He closes his eyes and starts praying harder. In another direction!
And I think this is where men need help. Especially Christian Kenyan Men. I think we need a paradigm shift of sorts in regard to how we look at and relate to single moms.
Could it be that by our outlook on these sisters, we could be missing out on some of the greatest women walking the planet? Think with me
1. She’s survived just about the roughest experience that a woman can really go through, and she’s still standing!
2. She’s had to mature quickly to hack through her circumstances. She knows the power and value of loyalty as she’s lost many ‘friends’.
3. She knows to live with very little or no money at all.
4. She doesn’t have that ‘dreamy eyed look’ approach to life that most girls have.
5. She is ready to settle down and waste no time on shenanigans. She really is waiting to be loved and pour out her love on someone
Is it possible that our men haven’t been fathered and mentored on the value and wealth they can both draw, and impart, in courting and marrying these precious sisters?
My encouragement to Men would be, by accepting, unconditionally loving, and sharing your life and love with a single mom, you will open yourself to love, life, loyalty, emotional healing, and a journey of devotion and wholeness like nothing else you’ve ever experienced in your life. Ever.
I believe in seeing a woman get back on her feet. Assuring her that you will be there, and actually being there, giving her a sense of identity to her and her child(ren), is probably one of the most fulfilling journeys in life any man can undertake. It probably will bring healing in your own heart regarding issues with your own father and your identity. The rewards are staggering at the very least, and it’s a treasure worth digging for. Really.
I’m just thinking…..